When did love stop feeling like something we fell into and start feeling like something we had to carefully manage? Somewhere between intentionally waiting to text back and pretending not to care quite so much, dating became less about connection and more about calculation. Attraction comes with a set of rules. The more interested you are, the less you’re supposed to show it. And vulnerability, the very thing that once made love feel special, now feels like the ultimate setup for failure.
Truth is, somewhere in all this strategic planning, we’ve lost our ability to genuinely connect. Both men and women feel like they need some sort of master plan to love and be loved. Why can’t we all just agree to keep it simple? With all the other complications life throws at us, why are we complicating love too? I thought dating was supposed to feel like chemistry — not timing rules, emotional restraint, and who cares less.
The line between love vs tactics and emotion vs calculation has become completely blurry. Guys can’t even be good guys without some women getting “the ick.” Women don’t want to be vulnerable for fear of being played. Now everyone feels like they have to show less just to get more.
Somewhere along the way, authenticity got replaced by strategy. You have to text a certain way, wait a certain amount of time, and carefully manage responses because replying “too fast” signals you care — and somehow caring has become unattractive. But the truth? People are just scared of vulnerability. And honestly, a lot of that fear comes from past relationships that didn’t go the way we hoped.
Social media absolutely feeds into this mindset. Dating advice now feels like game theory. Everyone has rules, tactics, “never do this,” “always do that.” Dating apps feel relaxed, but the DMs? Completely different story. It’s “come correct or don’t come at all.” No room for awkwardness, no space for natural energy.
It’s even gotten to the point where men hardly approach women in public anymore. Nobody wants to risk rejection. Nobody wants to look foolish. Dating doesn’t feel cool and casual — it feels like the Hunger Games. Everyone’s just trying to protect their peace while quietly battling burnout from past experiences.
And somewhere in all of this, we’ve normalized detachment. The second something goes wrong, people pull back, shut down, go ghost. One bad dating experience turns people cold. But why let one situation turn you into a villain? Be Batman, not the Joker.
Embrace the butterflies. Don’t kill them with a fly swatter.
Bottom line — most of us want the same thing. We want love. We’ve all had our share of experiences, good and bad. But love shouldn’t require a blueprint or a strategy guide. You can’t control how someone treats you, but you can control how you show up moving forward. Don’t let past hurt dictate future behavior. The domino effect is real.
Somewhere along the way, we started believing that after every failed relationship we need to “move differently,” “act colder,” “play it smarter.” But what if the answer isn’t becoming more calculated? What if it’s trusting your feelings and instincts instead of constantly second-guessing them based on past disappointments or social media narratives?
How are we supposed to recognize genuine interest if everyone is busy trying to look unbothered? Save the performances for your Oscar moment.
Because honestly? It’s exhausting.
The joy of love feels like it’s being replaced with hard work, overthinking, and emotional strategy. That’s not how connection thrives. That’s not how love grows. Truth is, yes — we’ve turned love into a game. But it’s a game you don’t actually lose by being genuine. With good intentions, good things will come. And honestly, it’s not a bad thing to fall in love. You might miss out on something truly amazing trying to play hard to get.
But maybe the better question is…
What if everything actually works out?
We claim to want a deeper connection — yet reward emotional distance.
We desire honesty — yet practice restraint.
We crave love — yet fear appearing to care.